Follow along on my journey of self-discovery as I connect with my Italian heritage, immersing myself in the enchanting 'La Dolce Vita' lifestyle, and embracing the timeless elegance of 'la bella figura'.
Buon Appetito to a life filled with passion, flavours, and unforgettable experiences!
Musings of Moi
The below are a culmination of past blog posts on dating experiences, thoughts at the time and general musings of my very overactive mind. They may be thought provoking, laughable or completely useless. Nevertheless, they exist somewhere on the web and are now curated in one location.
28 February 2021
Hi friends, it's been a long while between posts. I've really missed writing but inspiration has been severely lacking the past couple of years. Time has been consumed with work and not much of anything else to "spark joy" so to speak. I was hoping to revive the blog last year whilst exploring my new home of Edinburgh, but COVID put a swift end to those plans. I had visions of becoming one of those travel blogging wankers and making you all jealous of my fabulous new life but jokes on me!
2021, despite it not being what I planned, is a year of new possibilities, goals and the year I thought of dipping the toe back into the dating pool. With COVID vaccines on the horizon it seems more of a possibility, plus it's comforting if they turn out to be a weirdo because you can use the safe distance of 1.5m recommendation. It's now two months in and I've downloaded Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. I say downloaded, but what I mean is downloaded, discounted most options, deleted them all, been bored and re-downloaded them. I have completed the cycle about four times now. Each time being more disappointing that the previous. I've discounted most of Toowoomba, Brisbane and don't even get me started on the Gold Coast. I've felt judged by Tinder, it actually lowered my age group and widened my search area because of the amount of options I discounted. I'm not picky, I just want normal, interesting, attractive (I am far from the Mona Lisa but we know what we are attracted to physically so lets not act like it's not important) and someone who likes to do the same stuff in their spare time. I don't think I'm asking for too much?
I'm going to sound really old here, but I miss the days when leaving the house was the only way you would meet someone of the opposite sex, and you actually had to speak to them, like in person (remember that?). You'd go out for a drink with your mates, your phone stayed out of your hands, and people actually took notice of those around them. You'd be at the bar, strike up a conversation, and do that thing that we used to do - talk. There was banter, humour, and connection (or no connection). In my opinion we have done ourselves an injustice with the creation of dating apps. You literally don't have to put in any effort anymore. You can craft whoever you want to be whilst not having to put pants on, nothing good can come of that. You can even be super lazy and not write a bio, just put up six selfies (shirtless ones if you're most guys) and wait. Based on what I have seen of the majority of men's profiles, it actually terrifies me to think what some women must have on theirs.
I am generalising a lot here, I know, not all have been bad. A couple have been quite good - good enough to swipe right. Witty bio's, similar interests, physically attractive but no swipe back so I see no point in continuing the disappointment. This futile exercise has reinforced what I've always thought, that my significant other is not living in this country, or possibly married to someone else at the moment. Basically I'm at the point where if anyone has an interesting lamppost that's free one night for dinner and a wine give it my number. I can't bare to look at another shirtless selfie, a man holding either a caught fish or a pig that's had its throat cut. If you have forgotten some of my previous Tinder experiences, read through the last couple of posts - the material is good, especially the farmer dude, who is still on Tinder by the way. I want to get to know someone organically to find out if we have the same interests and values. I want coffee dates, dinner dates or just home time cooking a meal together in sweat pants (glamorous I am not). I want companionable silence over brunch so I can read a book. I want to travel with someone, experience different cultures and see all the things. I want ambition, passion and I want to argue with them when they don't hang up their bath towel. I'm a romantic but I am also a realist. I am optimistic he exists, but the one thing I know for sure is I don't think he is on an app. I'm done for good with online dating attempts. Finito. Arriverderci. Ciao.
Stay tuned, I'll let you know how the date with the lamppost goes. Hope he doesn't stand me up (pun intended).
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
29 June 2019
It's Saturday night, the night for romance. The scene is set by An Elegant Affair playlist on Spotify amplifying sounds of sweet nothings, a bottle of the finest $8.99 Italian Merlot has been opened and the perfume of dinner cooking in the oven fills my apartment. The silhouette of something tall, dark and handsome appears in the mirror. I'm wearing black lace, dressed up for a change. It's Saturday night, the night for romance....
Ok, I have a confession. The tall, dark and handsome silhouette is the bottle of wine. I call it Lover, same same, right? And the black lace is my nightie but the lace now has large holes in because I've worn it to death plus I've blow dried my hair, that's dressed up compared to usual. To all you lovebirds, old and new, this is the reality of yet another Saturday night with yours truly!
However, all jokes aside for the first time in a really long time I'm ok with it. I am not ashamed to admit that I have spent many a Saturday night feeling sorry for myself for not letting loose on the town, after all every coupled up person you run into when single tells you 'you have to put yourself out there, you're not going to meet anyone whilst sitting on your couch'. Well I beg to differ, I meet plenty of Dominos and UberEATS drivers and they seem lovely. Besides, how loose can you really get though when you have a 10pm work curfew? If Cinderella is G rated then I'm A rated, at least she had until midnight to get her freak on!
Instead of hitting the town I've had a bloody ripper of a night in. I cooked a banger of a dinner (when the other half eventually makes an appearance he'll be well fed that's for sure), I've enjoyed a cheeky beverage (had to stop at one because it gave me a headache, these are the facts of life after 30, one can't indulge too much due to adverse affects on ones body) and I've been surfing the net for travel inspo for me and my besties BIG WOG ADVENTURE in 2.5 months and for other travel related options next year.
I have done all my washing, made banana bread, shaved my legs (ooo la la, I'm going to enjoy sleeping with myself tonight!) and tidied my apartment. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what turns me on at 35, no wonder the men are lining up outside my door hey!
What's next? I hear you ask fervently. Thank you for asking, I appreciate your interest. Well I've exhausted all social media scanning for one night so no point wearing out the right thumb further, I may take in a movie from the comfort of my two seater couch. There's room for one more, but alas Sam Mac is busy preparing his speech for his Gold Logie win tomorrow night so I guess I'll be going it alone. I'd even let him pick the movie because I'm nice like that.
So kids, enjoy your Saturday night what ever you may be up to and don't feel sorry for me, I'm completely happy with my own company I'm a hoot to be around, didn't you know?
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Arrivederci Swipe Apps!
27 April 2019
Guys and girls, it's been bloody forever since my last date, hence the no posting. I have had no inspiration (more like ammunition) to write about. If I had been in AA so much time has passed that I would have gone through the 12 steps and received my 1 year pin for it being 12 months since my last drink. Dating is much like AA, you want a stiff drink to get through it, your palms are sweaty, you have to reveal information about yourself you would rather keep buried and you enter it prepared for the judgement that will ensue. From that description you have gathered by now I'm well over the 'putting myself out there' and have been a recluse for the past 12 months. I actually have no idea what AA is like and apologise if I have offended anyone - it's the only analogy I could come up with. If you have your pin, I commend you for being brave.
Anyway, I'm done with it all. I have been around the board (missed the $200 by the way) and am now in jail. I'm not leaving my apartment. It's a futile experience and it requires putting on pants. I've deleted Tinder (again), Bumble (again), Plenty of Fish (again) and E-Harmony (again). The admin required is alone a valid excuse to delete all exposure to the swipe culture which we are now relying on to make deep shallow connections with the opposite sex. I am now holding out high hopes that my other half will be my UberEATS or Domino's driver, at least I know they have a car and a job.
I have become disillusioned by the whole process. No meaningful connection can be made via these channels. They are based on initial attraction only and I too am guilty of that judgement. Then why not throw in the diplomatic nightmare of when an acquaintance or friend pops up in your feed - what do you do? Swipe right for a pity 'like' or actually swipe left because you have no attraction to them? I swipe left because I have a death wish, then I wait for the inevitable message that follows 'why are you on Tinder' because now they know you have seen them too and they didn't get the 'It's a Match' notification but they'll try their luck anyway because hey you're single and they're single so let's all just settle. Wow did you pick up on the drawn out breath that took to get out? Can you actually hear the gasping for air?
I have had a couple of friends ask me when my next post would be and I am so very chuffed you enjoy reading my blog, so I apologise for not having the fortitude to go on another date where the same questions are asked. I promise I am not closing off all hope, just the internet dating and app related ones. I am holding out for a meeting that offers actual potential, a man who piques my interest - it'll be great blog material I promise! I've met about five potential husbands through work but I'd get fired for going out for a drink with any of them and I like my job. For now I will admire from afar and make up images of our wedding in my head (completely normal...). One is back this week so bring on Wednesday and hello Mr Tall Dark And Handsome Cattle Man aka Husband Number 2!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
I Think I Know Who My Future Husband Is
16 August 2018
It's time I was honest and acknowledge something, or someone, I've been lusting over. I'm hesitant to declare this for fear of judgement and backlash on my taste in men. He's semi well known, he's seen every weekday morning by most of Australia. It's not Karl Stefanovic so take that breath you've been holding in - I detest that man.
Back to it people - stay with me here. Who is this man who has captured my heart I hear you ask eagerly. Let me tell you a bit about him. He is funny, talented, unafraid of making a goose of himself in public. He's dashing in an old fashioned way, self-depricating (but not self-loathing), well travelled, sociable, does his bit (and shows his bits - hint hint) for worthy causes. He owns a cat - I read that as too lazy to walk a dog (I hear ya buddy!) and also a gentle natured soul who is content with his own company because we all know cats are aloof and have a couldn't give two effs personality. Just look at a cat next time, they have the best resting bitch face you've ever seen.
He is handsome (well I think so), the right age older than me (yes I have Googled him to try and figure this out - I am not a stalker in real life, just on the internet) and did I mention has a great sense of humour. Basically he's my perfect match in many ways, yes I can make these grand statements without ever having a conversation with him. I am that confident we are well matched.
The big reveal...sit back from the edge of your seats people....drum roll please......it's Sam Mac from Sunrise. I know I know, I hear what you're saying but how can you not adore him! Yes there is a problem, he lives in Sydney, he has no idea who I am and the deep seeded affection I hold for him from 7am - 9am Monday to Friday, and if he did he'd probably have me reported to the Police and slap me with an AVO. FYI I'm not violent - just committed to the cause...seriously, not violent at all. Unless you count my whit, that can cut you deep like a knife to the jugular....yep not violent, I've just been watching too many true crime shows lately. Honestly, trust me *eek eek that's the knife stabby stabby sound like Fatal Attractionesque*. You guys know me, I talk big but I'm tame - I hold doors open for Grannies and shit.
So what should I do? I've made comments via Instagram on things he's posted - he's written back - I take this as a sign he loves me too. People meet via social media these days so there is hope there. Maybe this is how I'll meet my guy, also handy since I don't like to leave my apartment. There are no negatives here, only positives. He's single, I'm single. He's funny, I like to think I'm funny. He'd be about 36ish I think, I'm 34 - practically the perfect age gap. He's of Irish decent, I'm of Italian - they both start with I. He works in TV, I love watching TV. He has Instagram, I have Instagram. Do you see how similar we are! It's mind blowing huh?
Sam Mac, I think we should meet. You'll never read this, and if you do you'll see how right this is, also understand this post is completely in jest, but regardless, call me.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
28 May 2018
Cotton Eye Joe, or more accurately Cotton Eye Rob. Farmer Rob, Robert, The Dude from Laidley, Mr Lettuce, Bachelor Number 7...whatever you want to call him, I have discovered I am not country compatible. Farmer Wants A Wife has a lot of explaining to do. I blame them for selling the dream of a nice, wholesome country lad being the ideal partner. I blame them for broadcasting the lie that city meets country can work. Well let me tell you, they don't. Full stop. Exclamation mark. Sorry to kill your buzz ladies. I hold no remorse towards the producers of said show but you need to know that when the two worlds collide it's not in a hot passionate way. We are not compatible. It's best you know this now so you don't fall into the trap of also believing it could work.
After the disappointment dating in Brisbane brought, because after 6 dates I can now call myself a connoisseur of the dating world and can base the total dating talent of Brisbane on the sample I met. Well that's how the law of averages works doesn't it? I slept through most of high school math class and wow that was a bit of a detour there, sorry back to the story. Needless to say I held little hope for the foray back into Toowoomba's single men. However, one night I was bored (and to be honest passing time on the loo, don't go ewww and start judging because I know you do it too, some of you weirdos even take phone calls on the crapper and that is a genuine reason to let the ewwwws flow - you're gross FYI) so I started my Tinder account back up. Swiping left left left x 50 more (and if you remember left is the fugly/weirdo/probably still breastfed side) Rob came up. He looked normal, he didn't have a bio which should be sign number one that he didn't have any interests however after 50 lefts the standards drop significantly.
He had a kind face and honest eyes, he looked cuddly and pretty tame. And from what we all know from my previous posts, I have excellent skills in judging people *cough lie*. It was clear he was from the land as his one and only profile picture was him in a tractor - one picture. Jesus Ange you know that one picture is a bad sign have you learnt nothing?!
Chit chat was back and forth for about a week before we caught up for a drink to see if we got along in person. He'd started with the 'hello beautiful' shit that I hate. Dude you haven't seen me in person yet, it's not cute or attractive to come out with the compliments that soon, it's creepy. He was happy to come up to the 'big smoke' because let's face it there aren't many options in Laidley, however because I felt bad for him to drive up to me I suggested what I though was half way the Plainlands Hotel. Probably should have consulted a map before the suggestion as it was much closer for him to go there than I.
Before I set off to meet Farmer Rob he asked me to send a picture so he knew who he was meeting - must have had his eyes closed when swiping, or he was hoping for a nudie pick because that's the calibre of men out there these days. I declined to fulfil his request and said he had one already, I also told him to bring a bunch of carrots so I'd recognise him - I don't think he appreciated my suggestion. I thought it was hilarious.
We both arrived at the same time, he got out of his ute and I expected to see a big burly guy...he was not. He was slightly shorter than me. It was yet another confirmation that pictures, or more like picture, are deceiving. Funny how you can form an image on height from a picture, it makes sense now why so many men have their height on the profiles, it must be a common question. Anyway, we had a beer and a chat and whilst conversation was easy we really didn't have a lot in common. He didn't enjoy experiencing new foods, didn't own a tv (mic drop I know - who doesn't have a tv!!! ludicrous) and not a fan of leaving the farm. Three of my most favourite things to do is eat, binge watch tv and explore new places...mainly with the intention of eating all the food.
We talked about our families and covered off on our occupations and that was really all that we had to talk about. After our interests didn't align there wasn't a whole lot left to keep the conversation going for much longer so I made an excuse to have to head home. He walked me to my car and we hugged goodbye but he hung around awkwardly for what I anticipated was an after beer smooch. It was well awkward because firstly dear men read the situation and the body language before it becomes awkward. If there was no flirting, or closeness and the girl is standing more than a metre away from you at the time of goodbye it's not going to happen. Don't force it because you want a bit of lip action. He went in for the pash, I offered a sympathy closed lip peck. Akward AF.
I drove the 45 minutes home (why the eff did I suggest that pub) and Farmer Rob had messaged to see if I got home safely and if I wanted to see him again. Thanks for the check up Rob and cutting straight to the point there champ. Because I'm not very good at saying no I agreed to one more date just incase I missed something the first time - he wasn't an axe murderer after all. We scheduled dinner later in the week - he'd come up the hill this time, thank god.
Que Friday evening, 7pm, dinner. We went to the pub next door to my home, given the outing to a venue better than the first one, to be honest I expected a little effort other than dirty old farm jeans, faded polo and sweat stained cap. I sound like a bitch with that but am wrong? A date implies effort, at least ditch the cap and wear a collared shirt. I even washed my hair mate, come on. Anyway, we ordered and I paid for both of us, which for me I insist on if my lack of attraction is confirmed then I don't feel bad for not seeing him again - fucked up I know.
We chatted whilst we waited for dinner and conversation always went back to his work, either his crop growing or the weather and how that affects his crop. I guess the lack of common interests was even more evident right about now, well I thought so anyway. Anyway the night came to an end and he walked me back to mine, pretty much invited himself in and then tried to get it on again. Me declining his advances apparently makes me weird (his words) - go figure - dude I've just met you, we have zero in common apart from the fact we both breathe the same air and you expect my pants come flying off??
To shut this down really quickly I explained I had stomach pains from eating garlic bread - gluten intolerance - so he'd leave. IBS I figured would be a real mood killer and send the lad back down the hill. It worked. No message when he got home so the next morning I sent a polite lovely meeting you text but I feel we don't have a lot in common and wished him all the best in his search for a lady. No acknowledgment of received text but I thought I'd been an adult about it all, somewhat anyway.
So that's me done with the country thing. I love the music, don't so much care for the clothes to be honest, and I'm not really keen on farm life so Farmer Wants A Wife has come to its season close. Final episode done and dusted, the Farmer is still single and the city slicking Lass is also. Onwards and upwards. Hello to the old delete account section of Tinder. Sayonara Tinder, it's been fun (not), I'll miss you (not), see you in the future (not). Maybe next time I should try and meet someone the old fashioned way aka getting drunk at a pub, it used to have a better strike rate and many of my friends have met their husbands that way!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
13 April 2018
Hello friends, sorry it's been a while between drinks. I've been busy, sorry I lie, I've been a bit lacklustre of late and the writing mood has not struck me to be honest. However, onwards and upwards! I have a little bit to fill you in on and as we are such old friends it won't feel awkward catching up, it'll be as if no time has passed at all.
Before we start, coffee or wine? What's your poison? I'm going to pour a red, go on, have one too and we can begin. Where to start? I suppose the obvious topic would be Pug Boy. Well, what a drain that was in the end! All was going quite well for a couple of weeks as we discovered how much we had in common and kept UberEATS in business all over Brisbane. However there was one topic which we could not agree on and frustration on my part grew on how one side and short sighted he could be. His stubborn almost chauvinistic attitude was aggravating me more and more. I like a confident man but when confidence becomes arrogance I am hugely turned off. It became evident that he preferred a woman that didn't have an opinion and wouldn't challenge him on anything, and that is not me anymore.
After things fizzled out with Pug Boy I resigned myself to the fact I am a terrible judge of character - when it comes to men anyway, and that actively searching for a partner was not getting me anywhere positive so I deleted all the dating apps. Well almost....I did catch up with one more man before kissing Brisbane goodbye.
His name was Dean, 38 (bit older thought he'd be wiser - I forever live in hope), cute profile pics and he had a funny bio to match. We settled on a Saturday afternoon beverage at my local fave, The Defiant Duck. First impression - he didn't look much like his profile pics at all - superficial I know but online dating is, let's face it the first attraction is appearance. If someone has a face like a foot combined with a dropped apple pie you wouldn't want to be seen in public with them so what's the point. He 100% nailed the angles he took his pictures with as in the photo he looked like the Hulk, in reality more like the Hobbit - insert sad face. Because I'm a nice person (although from the previous comment it appears I need to work more on that), I persisted with the date. With the assistance of jugs of sangria and good tv viewing in the pub five hours later we said good night. Bless the guy, despite the fickle conversation and the heavy reliance on alcohol the guy still tried to get one away but I was as closed to the advances as a pub on Good Friday.
Some reflection Sunday morning when I surprisingly woke up hangover free, I decided to give up this online dating thing. It was way too difficult and I didn't have the budget to keep myself in sangria if I had to go on another bad date. I lied to myself saying what everyone else in a loved up relationship has said to me since I was in my late 20's - "it'll happen when it happens Ange and when you least expect it" *cough bullshit*.
My last few weeks in Brisbane were spent dateless but they were fantastic. I had quickly succumbed to riverside life - it agreed with me in more ways than one. I had found contentment that I had not found before. I realised for the first time that there is more to life than working, I had found that illusive work/life balance I'd read articles about. I discovered I am truly at my most happiest beside water and it reinforced yet again I have an obsession with all things food.
With the move back to Toowoomba to recommence my previous role, my next challenge is to find a way to integrate these realisations back into my life when normality and old routines become the centre of life again. A huge challenge which I'm not sure I will succeed at. I have a tendency to become reclusive when I am in my comfortable environment, but I have written goals for this year and fingers crossed I have the balls to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, whether that be new experiences or checking out what's changed in the local Toowoomba male talent (I suspect not much!). Sorry if this post isn't filled with such hilarity as previous ones but I'm a big believer in honesty, not every day is sunshine and rainbows as some blogs or Instagram posts make out. My blog will show all aspects of my life - most of the time it's upbeat and quirky like my sense of humour but sometimes it's also going to be a little low key. I wouldn't want to lie to you, it wouldn't be fair. Until next time my friends, ciao!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
5 January 2018
Let me preface this by stating that Pug Boy and I are still talking, so whilst I will let you all be privy to information on what happened with Bachelor Number 5, I can't be too harsh on the kid for fear he may read this at some stage and then we would not be talking. Should that happen, I can tell you a lot more and it would make for fantastic reading. For now, I still like this guy so you only get the basics, sorry kids!
It is very rare that I meet a man with whom I actually have a connection with. My job has trained me to be able to hold a conversation with a fence post if required, therefore finding out I have genuine interests in common is not a regular occurence - well unless it's about food, that happens on a daily basis and with complete strangers, usually in supermarkets, cafes, at the Post Office, you get the picture.
I mentioned in my previous post that I begrudgingly went on a date with Pug Boy. I had earlier in the week met Brad for a drink and in an effort to try and not keep all my eggs in the one basket, when Pug Boy asked me out for a drink I said yes. Well actually I bailed on the first date due to "work" (I told a white lie, I just couldn't be arsed putting pants on that evening after a long day, as you can tell I have become quite lazy in my old age), anyway I got sidetracked for a minute there sorry, so we rescheduled for the end of the week.
After a few cheeky texts during the week, mostly about if I was sitting on my couch in my underwear watching Netflix, I was a little more keen to meet this funny chap. Before you go thinking that's a bit forward to be asking about my underwear considering we hadn't met yet, it was entirely my fault. I made the fatal error of giving an honest answer to what I was doing one night - I should have anticipated the conversation would not shift much passed my underwear after that. Rookie error number 5002, well done Ange! From first impressions I did like his sense of humour, it was on par with my own so I knew the banter in person would be there.
His suggestion for a sneaky Friday evening beverage was Byblos at Portside Wharf - classy, great choice Pug Boy, I approve, this is right up my alley. His reasoning for the location choice was because it was closer to my side of town and therefore easier for me - this shows thoughtfulness and consideration, a rarity for me compared to the selfish wankers I've dated before (are you sensing a common trait of my past boyfriends?).
By the time Friday rolled around I'd had a hectic day at the office, was running late due to staying over my shift end time and only left myself enough time for a quick shower, trowel on more make up over the top of the work make up, spray dry shampoo in the old mop of a hair do and catch an UBER to the bar. I made it with only being a couple of minutes late.
I sent him a text to let him know that I didn't have my glasses on so the likelihood of me recognising him, even if squinting, was slim to none. Therefore, should he see a blonde girl in a green dress looking lost and with the chance she may have special needs from the squinting it's probably me and to come help a sister out. He replied that he'd just arrived also and was waiting for a waitress to seat him because he reserved a table inside as it looked like it was going to rain and he didn't want me to get wet if they were full and we had to brave outside *sigh* bless you Pug Boy, now I'm well impressed! I approached the entrance to the bar and there was a pretty fit looking guy with his back to me talking to a staff member, then he turned around.
I shit you not (sorry about the swear word but it has stronger dramatic effect than substituting it for kid), in my head it was like a scene from a movie when the picture goes all slow motion and mood setting music starts playing. I could feel the look of pure terror and nerves bordering on a potential small vomit disappear from my face. A smile crossed over his, I hoped he thought "thank eff she doesn't look too much different to her profile pictures", it was either that or he'd let out a small satisfying fart. The little devil on the left side of my brain said "damn this guy is fiiiinnnnnnnneeeeee and way out of your league sweetheart, turn around and go home". He had a very well ironed crisp white shirt on (my Mum would be extremely impressed by his use of Napisan and skills with an iron), nice blue dress pants and brown shoes. Polite cheek kiss/hug for a hello and his cologne made me want to lick his face - bit forward for a first date so I restrained myself, I'm not a weirdo after all.
Seats were taken and drinks ordered. I was contemplating how to sit comfortably in a squishy lounge with a stupid dress on which prevents you from crossing your legs at the knee because it makes your slightly voluptuous thighs look like sausages bursting out of their casing. It's freaking impossible to sit comfortably and give the impression of being nonchalant and well kept, a task which is impossible for me at the best of times.
For the next two and a bit hours, whilst more wine was consumed on my part, the conversation between us was very easy and not at all forced. I was very surprised we had so much in common. Whist this guy was very city looking, well spoken, and smelt like the cologne counter at Myer, I was convinced I was punching above my weight and this honest country girl wouldn't make it in the big smoke with guys like this.
What followed were random conversational topics and some people watching combined with making up our own version of what was happening with groups and other couples - first date, second date, married and obviously haven't spoken to each other for years and the like - both our stomachs required food. With a shared love of UberEats, Netflix and not leaving the couch, he paid for drinks and we went back to mine to do exactly that. And get your minds out of the gutter, there was no chill in that "Netflix and Chill" - I am a lady. There wasn't much Netflix either, between talking and stuffing our face on the pizza and chips the movie was just background noise.
1am came around and Pug Boy went back into the world and home to his beloved Pug. After a long day, superb evening and wayyyyyy to much Pinot Gris, I was happy and hopeful for the first time in years. Finally I'd met someone with common interests who appeared to not be a freak. I looked forward to a potential date number two with this lad, my fingers and toes were crossed. Cue drooling into my pillow and much needed z's. Until next time Pug Boy, it had been surreal and nice.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
2 January 2018
Sorry to everyone who has been waiting with bated breath for my next update on the Brisvegas dating cesspool, I wish I had a really fabulous reason as to why I have been missing in action. I've been cruising the mediterranean with Henry Cavill (aka Superman), working with orphans in Uganda, trekking the Himalayas to save an endangered mountain goat....yeah, no, I've been lazy, annoyed with men and inspirationally frustrated.
After my last post I have been on three dates but to be honest, I couldn't be arsed to write about them. I was left feeling deflated and disappointed. Two out of three dates were relatively the same, sigh. Three in quick succession actually - two in one week, hussy I know, but they weren't below the waist dates so hussy is in check! One had a flicker of hope, there was attraction and sass but I'll get to him. He could be worthy of a couple of posts actually, stay tuned for when Pug Boy makes an appearance.
With that in mind, let's start with Bachelor Number 4: Brad aka Mr Cute But 38 And Living With Flatmates.
Brad and I connected on two online dating apps over a period of time, both Tinder & Plenty Of Fish, so I guess the initial I think you don't look like a serial killer aka superficial attraction was there. Tinder was first but neither of us spoke - cause that's how we roll on Tinder, you just swipe right until someone wants to get drunk with you and try to get in your knickers. Second was on Plenty Of Fish, or POF to we fishing fiends. This time we actually exchanged sentences. Insert clapping here.
Brad was a 10/10 for texting - one for a friendly good morning, lunch time a polite how is your day going and a good night for the close. Well done Brad! Plus kudos also goes to the gent for making the first move and locking down a meet-up within days.
We met half way between his world and mine - he's from the South, I'm from the North. In Game of Thrones terms we are a Lannister and a Snow so I guess our fate was sealed. Of course I'm the Snow in the situation, everyone likes a Snow and we Northerner's aren't weirdo's. Carindale Hotel was the meeting point for a cleansing ale and a chat. One Peroni in and boy could this guy talk! Even over the top of me - blood top effort mate.
The usual 'let's talk about how crap dating is in your 30's' was out of the way pretty quick, plus he divulged he's been married before. Went on to say she left him for a rich older man - move on Brad. How superficial girls are these day - *cough* there's a girl sitting opposite you champ and i'm not superficial (well much anyway). And how they just use men to pay for meals and the drinks - ummmm Brad I just bought that round, you're welcome.
All in all, conversation flowed pretty easy, he was not unpleasant to the eye and had showered so that was pretty good - as you can tell standards on my part are starting to wane. If they shower and have their own teeth we are on to a winner!
He had plans later that night - or so he said, so after a polite hour and a half of chat we called it a night. He text me after ten minutes to make sure I got to my car, how polite, and I commenced the thirty minute drive home to the right side of the city. Just as I got home another tweet on my phone went off - his plans bailed on him and suddenly am I up for a movie at his? Keep your thoughts pure peeps, nothing unsavoury happened whilst movie watching.
This is when I found out he had two nosey flatmates - who is 38 and has flatmates? I guess when you're divorced and she takes half times get tough. The instructions for the mission were to turn my lights off when approaching the house, leave my shoes at the front door and sneak up the stairs so they wouldn't hear me enter the house to commence the interrogation of who I was.
I was proceeding to the route according to the posh English bird on my GPS, my lights were off and I parked with the softest touch of my brakes. I sent a message to Brad that I was here sent. Brad came out to the car to divulge part two of the mission. I stuffed my car keys in my jeans pocket so they didn't rattle and my phone was on silent. Brad cradled my Maccas (I hadn't had tea yet and the Asahi's were kicking in), and we crept up the stairs in proper stealth mode - mission accomplished! Should have been a bloody Commando or Navy Seal it was that good I tell you.
Movie watched, Maccas inhaled, he had KFC - and the way he ate that greasy chicken offered both hope for the future yet was equally disgusting at the same time. Date was officially over after the credits rolled - no smoochy smooch but a hug and that's it folks. He still smelt fresh as a daisy too. He made sure I got home with another polite text - awwwww. Anyway, two days later I had a begrudging date with Pug Boy, because at the time I thought I better keep my options open just incase. And then things get a little more interesting.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
5 September 2017
Hello friends. It's time to get real.
This morning I was having breakfast along the Brisbane river, just me and my other half...my phone. I was bored by my own company so I jumped on Tinder to pass the time, flicked a few gents to the right but mostly a lot to the left so I began to let my mind wander.
I began mulling over many things such as how I am going to be single forever, what to do on my days off, but mostly, how I wish my breakfast had toast and how hard it will be to give up gluten but I have to give it a shot to feel better.
Looking back on the date with Bachelor No.3 - Mr J (Mr Normal) I was wondering how in this age of dating what is needed to secure date number two. I was sure I'd have a second catch up with Mr J to explore the initial banter but the feeling wasn't mutual - totally misread the results of that interaction!
I guess that illusive spark is key. The spark is not the same for each person, it can't be. Therefore, in this day and age when dating is so trivial and there is always the next best option just a flick to the right away, it's got to be harder to find that person who feels a mutual attraction.
After one encounter, what is the barometer to indicate you will be seeing that person again to explore if you really are compatible? The majority of male profiles say that banter, being easy going and 'normal' is what they are looking for above all else. Therefore if you fulfil those three things then will you see them again or do you still need to be a fitness model to secure date number two?
Deep down are men still only going to be attracted to that stereotypical bimbo who will sit there and not say anything, just look pretty to make all their mates jealous? I am confused.
Apps such as Tinder are completely superficial to begin with, success is based on appearance initially which is why meeting relatively quickly is important. They say it takes only 7 seconds to make the right impression after meeting. That's not a lot of time at all, to achieve a swipe to the right you probably only have about 4 seconds or even less if they can't be bothered to read your bio. If you can't back up the physical attraction with personality it's not going to go anywhere if you are looking for something deeper than a one night stand.
For me, banter = attraction. If the conversation (note, not interrogation) is there, if you can make me laugh and are not a dick, then the physical attraction is solidified.
I've been watching last season of Married At First Sight (don't judge me, I'm already ashamed), but the social experiment is fascinating. All the compatibility tests, personality studies and hormone attraction testing still doesn't guarantee success. One woman was 53 and never been married. 53!!! Her eggs are way past their sell by date plus she had as much substance in her brain as a wafer biscuit AND even she got matched with someone! How do we everyday singles have a hope in heck of striking the right one when we don't have science experts on speed dial to help a sister out!
Anyway, I guess the gist of this post is I'm feeling disillusioned. Continuing conversations with a couple of matches at one time is a full time job. I don't have the energy to weed them out before meeting them - plus - apparently no guy wants a pen pal they want dinner dates and lately I'm working night shifts so that crosses that out when they work during the day. I'm finding very little tolerance for shift work, they can't be arsed with the chit chat if you can't meet up with them within a day so they unmatch quite quickly. Wankers.
Bachelor No.4 might be a bit further away, sorry folks, but as soon as it does you'll be first to know. Until then, I'll keep swiping.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
28 August 2017
I began this adventure/entry into the abyss, with the intention of one date per week - no naked dates Mum so stop thinking that you've raised a hussy. I did it mainly with the intention on proving how screwed up the concept of finding someone is these days, but ultimately with the hope that maybe I'll strike a decent bloke eventually. I'm sick of my own company 24/7, I need someone else to annoy. Everyone tells you that you have to kiss a few frogs to find the Prince. Now anyone who knows me is aware that I don't really care for frogs, they are actually one of my biggest fears, no wonder I suck at the dating thing.
To be honest, three dates in three weeks is the best I've done in my entire life so I'm already pretty chuffed even if two out of three have been complete duds. The bar was set pretty low for the next lucky fella to make my delightfully intriguing acquaintance - gee didn't I sound like a wanker then?! If he could hold a conversation, cover a diverse range of topics and manage to make me laugh he'd pretty much impress the socks off me - lucky I wasn't wearing socks on the date so that made it even easier for the lad.
May the crowd please be upstanding for Bachelor number three - please enter the ring for round one Mr J! *ding ding ding* (I've removed the card carrying bikini girls because I don't need the imagery to blow my self esteem this early on, plus lets face it, any normal woman who prefers to actually eat food would rather sit on one of them and force feed them burgers until they explode).
From the initial back and forth messages over Tinder (yes, the app strikes again), Mr J and I seemed to have some banter going on. I sensed a similar sense of humour, we are both looking for someone 'normal' and we have a common interest of a love of food.
His experiences with my gender were equally pretty appalling. He mentioned that if I had a job and didn't expect to be taken to a rape dungeon for the first date I was already starting off on good footing - clearly his expectations were also pretty below par for me to nab a date out of him also, gee I love a low benchmark!
My favourite meal of the day was set as the date time of choice - breakfast. With the combination of two of my greatest loves, coffee and eggs, things really couldn't go wrong. I woke not feeling 100%, i'm not sure if it was the dinner the night before that was making me want to throw up or if I was a wee bit nervous. I'm thinking it was the definitely the dinner.
I put little effort into preparation for this one, sorry Mr J, I really wanted to wear my active wear because now I'm over 30 I love to dress for comfort. The fella was lucky I'd washed by hair and put a little curl to it, that was about it - jeans are an acceptable date attire for future reference, aren't they?
We went to the Northshore Harbour Cafe, Hamilton. Check it out if you've never been, cracking breakfast menu, fantastic coffee plus a view of the river. On a sidenote, I could combine these expeditions with a sponsored post by the venue of choice - could make some extra cash from these posts - Ange, you're a genius! *clap, clap, take a bow*
Usually I'd choose to meet at said location for the first date as we have all learned, a dose of gastro could suddenly come up if he's as boring as bat shit and a speedy get away may be required. However, Mr J offered to pick me up, since he didn't give off any initial stalker vibes and I'd already had a couple of chuckles during message exchanges I agreed.
Whilst waiting for breakfast to arrive the conversation continued to flow easily. After swapping battle stories, his much more shocking than mine, I discovered that some women are bat shit crazy. Covering topics of travel - quite a lot done by Mr J, me nothing. Business - him a lot of highlights, my only really notable experience of recently evacuating a hotel during a neighbouring fire. Life experience, for him only being three years older quite a bit, me yeahhhhhh not much really. I always knew I put work before all else but Jesus, I really have lived a sheltered life - I was borderline worried I was actually boring in comparison.
Anyway, with some good chat and some laughs (mostly at Mr J and his online dates) it was time to go. Mr J dropped me home and date over. No need to escape was felt, I don't think I made too much of an ass of myself, I didn't hoover my breakfast (claps excitedly) and pretty sure I gave some resemblance of a normal functioning adult. All round, not a shit date at all and I even wanted to see him again.
So kids. There you have it. First not at all crap experience. Not sure what will happen next but I'll keep you posted. If date two is on the cards with Mr J...no tag line just Mr J, let us all hope he falls over and makes some kind of ass of himself because the next post may be boring if he doesn't. I may have to cover off on the absurd women met during his experience - they will shock and amaze I can guarantee you that.
NB. No schedule for Bachelor No.4 had been made at the time of writing this post.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
26 August 2017
Not to be deterred by date number one, the eternal optimist in me thought that I am brave/stupid enough to dip my red painted big toe back into the water for a second crack at this dating thing.
Therefore, after a match on Tinder (cue gasps and crossed fingers that this guy wasn't just after a shag, and if a coffee date ends in some horizontal folk dancing then times have changed A LOT) we arranged to meet for a cup of Joe to see if we clicked. Mind you, we'd only been chatting for a day before he suggested the meet up but at least if he was a dud my witty remarks and jokes wouldn't be wasted on a no goer.
10am, My Mistress cafe, Clayfield. The scene of the crime. The sun was high in the sky, the hipsters and their French Bulldogs were out in force enjoying avo on toast (apparently you'll never own a home if you eat avo on toast) and I was waiting outside for Glen to turn up - pretty sure I smelt a gas leak, I was hoping that when he arrived he didn't think it was me leaking the gas.
There was a 10 - 15 minute wait for a table, this place was pumping - oozed atmosphere and the coffee is meant to be amazing so I was quite chuffed with my suggestion of location. I was early and Glen was late so I was waiting at a table inside - first comment after Hi was "it's loud in here". Great observation Glen, I was thinking it added to the character, but sure, turn your hearing aid down to dull the noise then bro.
Should have realised then that it would all go downhill quite quickly. Insert commencement of interrogation here. The 411 on Glen to help form a picture in your head; 39, works for Department of Immigration but currently applied for a transfer to Border Force so he can be 'in the field'. Apparently shy, a homebody and from how much he talked about his best friend Kieran (and that's the way he referred to said friend) has quite the delightful bromance. Glen is 6 foot 2 (he told me this, apparently height clarification is important), never been married, no kids, quite skinny (underweight, he also told me this), rents in Clayfield, earns $56,000 per year (he also told me this - thanks for the info champ but I couldn't give a flying eff) and then the questions started.
In conversational inverted commas for effect and his words exactly, my responses are in brackets....
"What nationality do you think I am?" (You look kind of Mediterranean). "I'm Philippino and Torres Strait Islander, is that going to be a problem?" (That's an unusual combination, but no").
"I'm very skinny, a little underweight, I've tried putting on weight but I just can't. Is that going to be a problem? The last girl I went on a date with didn't like how skinny I was. We went for drinks and after 5 minutes I knew she was a bitch. She criticised everything about me. After half an hour I told her she was a bitch and left".
My internal monologue was screaming ANGE GET UP AND LEAVE NOW!!!!! But I couldn't, I was laughing on the inside and could see the poor kid was nervous so I stayed. At least he didn't think I was a bitch because he stayed seated....for the next hour.
Basically the next 45 minutes was him talking about every other thing he didn't like about other girls he's been on a date with thus far, and then confirming if I was someone who did and thought the same.
Coffee ended, and he suggested we go for a beer. I said "sure", because I am a people pleaser and can't say no. WHY WHY WHY ANGE?! GET IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVE FAR FAR AWAY. SPEED IF YOU HAVE TO, THE COPS WILL UNDERSTAND - AND ONE MAY EVEN BE HOT. I've always made poor life choices when it comes to men so why not extend the torture for another hour.
Location change to The Hamilton Hotel. Choice of beer, me Japanese, him XXXX Gold. Cue him telling me the previous woman (the 5 minute meeting, aka the bitch) looked down on him drinking XXXX because it wasn't a craft beer "is that going to be a problem Angela" - no Glen, you drink cats piss if you want to, fine by me.
Interrogation continues, me with mostly one word replies only.
"What do you see your wedding to look like?" (I've never been asked that on a date before, especially after an hour, but small) "Mine will be big, my mother is one of 12, there's about 150 family members alone. And it would have to be cheap because weddings are a waste of money - would that be a problem?" (Mate, slow down, we've had coffee and a beer and I'm currently looking for the exits - I didn't actually say the bit about the exits out loud).
"Do you want kids?" (Yes) "How many?" (Two). "You're 33, you realise after 34 the chances to have kids is harder?" (thanks for the fertility information champ, I wasn't aware of the fact that my ovaries are drying up as I scull my beer and I have 6 months till they're completely fucked. I have polycystic ovaries anyway so I probably can't have them easily but I appreciate the info on how much of a barren woman I will become upon my next birthday, thumbs up!).
A lot more questions were being fired my way but I had my nose in my glass sculling the pale liquid so I could make like Road Runner and get the heck out of there.
I used having to pick up my friend Chantal as the excuse to deploy the emergency landing gear to make like a Shepherd and get the flock out of there. The inflatable slide was ready to go. The doors had been thrown out of the aircraft. The oxygen masks blowing in the breeze, and I was first out of the plane. Screw the pregnant women and children first business, this was a dire situation!
So how did it end you ask from the edge of your seat as you wipe away tears of laughter. The obligatory hug of someone that's letting you down gently, the nice to meet you, talk soon (hell no Mr) and I left skid marks in the car park as I sped home - away from Glen.
He messaged me half an hour later with "Well that was fun". I politely told him that it was nice to meet him but I didn't feel any romantic chemistry there. How could he not have picked that up already I thought to myself - clearly I'm that charming, go me. Glen has since unmatched me on Tinder - sad face.
Moving on kids, up next, Bachelor No. 3. I won't mention his name cause that date was not horrible and he is probably reading this blog as it came up whilst trading war stories (his are even more hilarious). Hey there Bachelor No.3, wassup?
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
22 August 2017
Let me preface this date by stating from the start that Dan was lovely.....
Dan was the first person on Plenty of Fish to message me. What was his opening line you ask, great question - well done you for faking interest! Dan's opening line was in response to my profile questionnaire to "What is your ideal first date?". My answer was "something I can beat you at", Dan's contribution to that statement was suggesting sex. Insert cough, drop phone, and chuckle a little.
Admittedly, if you looked at Dan's profile pictures this would have been the last thing you would have imagined would come out of his mouth/off his keyboard too. He's a 33 year old, slightly goofy looking, little bit chubby round the middle bloke. Kudos for the confidence though mate!
He's not at all what I would usually find attractive but my dear Mum keeps telling me there is more to finding a partner than muscles and tattoos so I thought I'd give it a go - plus his profile and his opening line did make me laugh.
We spent about two weeks chatting over text messages, covering off on day to day topics, we both had a love of Game of Thrones and both want Florence to win The Bachelor, you know those important topics which will create a real solid foundation for a relationship - yep got those covered! After some chatting we decided to go for ciders and cheese in the park one Sunday afternoon to watch the sunset and see if we had a spark in person.
Dan met me at mine with an esky, I made a monumental cheese platter (high-fived myself it looked that bloody delicious) and we set off to Newstead Park to get comfy on a blanket to watch the sunset (how romantic - wasted sunset in the end but hey, we tried).
It all went beige (bland for those who haven't hear the reference of beige before) after the first cider was cracked. Whilst conversation flowed easily the topic didn't really pass work. Found out that Dan was a horticulturist (FYI apparently that's not the same thing as landscaping, horticulture means dealing with soft-scapes, basically plants, grass and shit) for War Graves. Cue lots of talk about death, post traumatic stress in veterans, more death, widows, crying, suicide....you get the picture?
Pretty much cut this one once the sun went down and the bugs came out to attack what was left of the cheese. We walked back to our cars, hugged and exchanged the obligatory "nice to finally meet you" lines and went our separate ways. No stirring in the loins, no physical attraction and if I had to listen to more death talk again I think I'd dig my own grave (that's a bit insensitive, apologies).
The next day Dan followed up with a lovely message asking how I thought the date went, and finished it off with a "you're a really lovely girl but I just didn't feel any spark or chemistry", phew! Thank god the feeling was mutual - it definitely was him, not me right?? I'm entertaining aren't I? Anyway, thanks for the ciders Dan, all the best with your search and let us meet Bachelor No.2 aka Glen, the master interrogator.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
21 August 2017
Well firstly, hello to anyone reading this who isn't my mother - bless you Mum, I do love you and I know you will message me later with grammatical errors to fix.
Who is this person whose life you will be occasionally dropping in on to be enthralled, entertained by and mostly probably just to laugh at? Hi, I'm Ange. I'm 33, I'm not married. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not even currently dating someone - I'm single and usually failing to mingle.
To be honest, I haven't really been proactive in the past couple of years to try and change that - so it's probably my own fault for my current situation. But, with a temporary move to Brisbane due to work I am going to try and change that. And what better way to sift through the frogs of the futile world of dating than to deconstruct my experiences via the written word - it may lead to that elusive Prince or it may lead to a book deal, here's hoping it's either one!
What do you have to look forward to as an avid reader of Musings of Moi. Whilst my right thumb gets RSI from swiping left and right, my laptop keyboard takes a pounding from the questionnaire filling out of Plenty of Fish and the likes, you can be entertained from the safety of your home whilst eating a box of donuts and shaking your head thinking, 'poor Ange, she's hopeless'.
I'll be putting myself out there, pushing the old comfort zone, meeting new people and discovering new places. It won't all be about men because lets face it, Carrie Bradshaw has been there and done that. Consider Musings of Moi to be some 30 something girls therapy, putting laughter to paper or a different perspective on what you couples take for granted. So, put the kettle on, grab that donut from the box and let's start with Bachelor No. 1 - Dan Dan The Horticulturist Man!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
12 December 2014
Antonio, aka Uncle Tony, was truly one of the worlds special people. Small in stature but by no means small in spirit or love, Uncle Tony was a man of many things.
Uncle Tony was character, he loved a joke, was always making people laugh, and his eyes would light up when he told a story, even if no one was listening. His enthusiasm for imparting details of his time in Italy and Australia was captivating, although in the last couple of years with his failing memory we don't know which part of the stories were truth or imagination. He was a cheeky man with an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes. He had a big heart, which was filled with love for his family but ever so evidently, for his wife, Maria.
The love story was one that could be the base for a Nicholas Sparks novel. Boy migrates to a new country at the tender age of 17, a girl from back home was bought up in conversation. Although back home girl was with another boy that relationship was ending so boy writes to girl, girl writes back, and so the story begins. Back and forth the letters continue until boy asks girl to come to Australia, and she does. The rest is history.
Maria and Tony didn't have an easy life but they had a life filled with love and commitment to each other. A truly remarkable notion which in today's society seems to be unimaginable. Marriage was a choice and one which was for life, a life which for Tony and Maria was a beautiful 62 years.
What I will miss about my Zio Tony is his laugh, his jokes, his gentle nature and the joy evident in his eyes when his family were around him. What gives me comfort with his passing from this world, is he is in heaven with my Nonno. They were the greatest of friends in life and are now together again in death. They will be up there today, watching over us as we farewell Zio Tony and remember him with the utmost fondness and love.
Zio Tony, we vow to take care of Aunty Maria, to help her remember you and the love you both shared. Today will be hard for her but we will be strong together, we will feel your presence with us in the church as we will say our final goodbyes to you, you are truly one of the greats.
Love always Zio Tony, miss you already xx
Progress
4 December 2014
With everything that's happened in the last month - and to be completely honest it's been a totally shit month for various reasons - it's amazing how now, with just a small amount of time having passed, I feel completely different to how I did those long four weeks ago.
I still miss my ex partner, it will take a lot of time to pass to get used to being on my own again (the contact with someone is what I miss the most), but I feel confident that the future will bring the right person my way, when I am ready for it. I have hope that I will find someone that shares and reciprocates love and is as enthusiastic as I am to build a future and family together.
My self-esteem in who I am has copped a beating and though I am still struggling with negativity in some aspects of myself I know that, with work, I can let comments people make about me wash over me like they used to. I used to be so confident in who I was, assured and accepting of the person I'd grown into, however, recently I've let it be torn down and that takes time to rebuild. I'm often told I'm weird, I used to not care and I embraced it but lately these comments are taking their toll. Maybe I'm being silly are caring too much what others think, and maybe because what I used to be so sure of has proven to be the complete opposite and now I'm doubting everything I'm involved in, including myself.
When I look back over the years it's amazing to see how much change has happened. I've certainly had many rises and falls career wise, ups and downs personally and have made and lost some friendships. I guess looking back is a requirement in order to move forward and embrace new directions and paths presented to you. I've always loved this quote, “respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy”.
this has never been more true in many occasions over the last couple of years. It reminds us to have courage, to put ourselves first and remain true to your passion whether it be your relationship, career or friendships. I believe that people and certain situations are put in front of us so we can learn valuable lessons necessary to help grow us individually. These circumstances won't always present people and situations that will always be in our life, but they will teach us something about ourselves nonetheless.
Basically, the last few weeks have been a steady road to progress and moving on. About re-evaluating my options and planning for the immediate future to be ok with being on my own again. First on the agenda is finding my own palace, a space to call my own. I really miss my old granny flat I was living in before I moved in with my ex. It felt completely me, it was a mish mash of furniture but it somehow reflected my personality and it felt like home. I hadn't had that feeling since my childhood, I miss it greatly.
I'm writing again, which is awesome. Sorry if my topics get boring but they are therapy and as stated, I'm trying not to let your opinions bother me. I'm doing it for me and me alone.
I'm able to focus on work, and it's finally starting to allow me to gather some momentum. I've always been a people person, I usually find out too much information which people seem to freely give, but it has always enabled me to form a bond quite quickly. I enjoy that this has translated into my new Real Estate career and I feel it is my competitive edge.
I'm cherishing my family. Family is everything to me, they are always there when I need, and after the loss of my Great Uncle this week, they have never been more important in my life.
I encourage you to reflect on the years passed and to acknowledge the ups and downs you have been through. I assure you it will help define what and who really matters to you. It will provide you with encouragement; encouragement in the fact that even if you aren't where you thought you would be, you are on the right path to achieving your goal, whatever it may be. Baby steps, small wins and minute milestones are all worth celebrating. Progress - it's a wonderful thing.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
It's Been Way Too Long Between Drinks Bloggers
10 November 2014
Hello bloggersphere! Oh my lordy hasn't it been a while? I guess the reason I really started this blog was as a form of therapy - the need to write comes when I need to deal with major shit. And that time is now.
You'll notice a blaringly obvious theme in my previous posts - they were written at a time when I was single, and had been for about three years. I learned a lot about myself in those three years, but probably in the past year and a half, whilst being in a relationship, I have learned the most.
Whilst being in the most defining romantic relationship of my life so far, one I thought would end in marriage, I've realised many truths about myself. I am by no means perfect, I have some trust issues thanks to some asshole exes which I still haven't dealt with; I put others needs before myself always to my detriment; and I still - at 30 - lose myself in a relationship to the other person. I stop doing what makes me happy in order to make them happy. I thought I'd stopped that shit after the last one!
I always thought that you can't help who you fall in love with - but you do make a choice to make it work, to learn about each other, to choose to make the other person happy and to compromise. Without both parties making that choice it's not worth the heartache in the end. No matter how much effort I put in and persistent I be to make it work because I know it can, if they don't see the potential in the relationship, it won't work out. Love can't be a one sided affair.
I haven't completely lost faith that in time, I'll meet someone who reciprocates what I give out, but from now one I will approach things differently. I will not put their needs before my own, it will be a balance. I will not accept being treated as insignificant and ordinary. I will not accept being treated anything but an equal and of worth. I will continue to do activities and wear what I like even if they don't like it.
More than anything I am disappointed in myself that I became so enamored by someone that it changed me. For now though, starting over in new surroundings, finding my feet on my own again and devoting myself to work will get me through the quite times when thoughts will inevitably wander to times of the past. I've just got to remind myself to remember the good times, there were happy moments shared, but don't forget the bad. Have no regrets and take on board the lessons learned.
After the end of something significant I guess it's time to reflect and spend time by yourself assessing where to next. Back to writing (a hobby I love), listening to corny music loudly and eating whatever I like. Bring on the wine, bring on the cheese and most importantly, continue the adventures I had planned, they will bring perspective and I will be able to say I did it on my own :) Love opened me up to many new adventures, happy times and also heartbreak. An unavoidable unfortunately, but in the end, will only make one stronger and tougher.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Angela Uncertain
18 March 2013
Lately day to day things have been getting to me more than usual and I am having trouble finding ways to cope with them so they don't weigh me down. I have always been a person that thinks about things a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have trouble letting things go, thoughts play on my mind like a record on repeat. It gets so bad that at night I dream about it as a way of sorting it out, and my Sleep Cycle app on my phone can confirm I am losing sleep because of it. I am glad to have found the joy of writing, it's a tool I have found helpful in letting out the thoughts plaguing my mind. Blogging is a way of fielding opinions but also offers the chance to not have to censor your thoughts so you don't offend anyone. Face to face talk calls for tact and compassion where as writing to people who may never read your thoughts is therapeutic, you can say whatever you like and be completely honest with yourself more than anyone else.
Lately I have been doing some reading on star signs and in particular the characteristics of my birth sign, Pisces, that may explain why I am this way. Interestingly enough I am very much a true Pisces woman in all aspects of my personality. This is what I have learned about myself, if I didn't already know....
"Pisces women often sense and feel things which other less sensitive folk miss, sometimes making them seem more than a little psychic and mysterious at times. They often pick up on the subtle and unspoken, and are often skilled at subconsciously reading signals from others, such as body language. This powerful intuition can be applied in many directions, for example she may be an excellent emotional healer, a creative artist or an astute business woman.
Highly sympathetic, compassionate, self-sacrificing and unassuming, Pisces women are the most likely to absorb emotions from the environment around them, often becoming happy or depressed based on the mood of others. Due to this they often prefer the company of optimists over pessimists and this creates it's own set of problems, as optimists are generally far less sensitive and compassionate, traits which are equally important in the partner of a Pisces woman in their own ways.
Many Pisces discover that the best route to finding inner peace is to give to others, and in many respects this is the most generous and selfless sign. They tend to give a piece of themselves to anyone they care for, and often get a lot of satisfaction from helping others in general.
They think with their heart and not their head, tending to dislike confrontation or hurting others in any way, and often have difficulty saying no or leaving bad situations or relationships. They tend to always 'go with the flow' and friction of any kind drains their energy.
One side-effect of their combination of personality traits is sadly that Pisces is easily taken advantage of and manipulated by the uncaring or bossy. This can sometimes create a vicious cycle of lowered self worth and increased need for approval, typically from the very person who is bad for them. One of their greatest life lessons is to learn to be a little selfish, in order to better choose who deserves their help and love.
An idealist at heart, it's common for Pisceans to be attracted to drama, art, creativity or fantasy in an attempt to escape from the gritty reality and periodic disappointments of life. Due to the combination of these factors Pisces typically make attractive lovers to most other signs, though they are compatible with relatively few.
Deep within the Piscean beats the heart of the diehard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not bide well for the Piscean whatsoever. In relationships, they are fiercely loyal and doting. They love to give gifts and to make the person in their life feel like a million dollars. Nothing is too good for the Piscean's love interest!
Gentle Pisceans make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive and compassionate, no problem is too big for the Piscean to take on. Big or small, when a challenge arises for family or friend, they will be there in every capacity possible to make things better. Deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.
Sensitive, deeply compassionate, hardworking, dedicated and reliable, this is one sign that really knows how to get to the heart of the matter. They can be excellent problem solvers. For the most part, Pisceans don't give money too much thought. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet, because this is often times a component to reaching their aspirations, the Piscean will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought, and on the other hand they can become quite miserly. Yet, in the end there will always seem to be enough to do what they want in life."
Yep the above is me in a nutshell, even down to the money bit and I am blown away by the accuracy of my zodiac sign. I have always been someone who feels emotions deeply and am often swayed by my heart rather then my head, this is why I have been disappointed so many times I guess, especially when it comes to relationships. Who needs to see a shrink when you can analyse yourself so easily by understanding the qualities that underpin your personality!
So I guess the outcome of this research is to realise that there is an explanation as to why I feel what I feel and in understanding myself better I can look to exploring avenues to cope with situations that prove challenging to me and not others.
My personal goal for this year is to understand me better, to feel more comfortable in my own skin and try not to let the opinions of others affect how I feel about myself. Joining the gym and somewhat making an effort to eat better has definitely made me feel happier with my appearance, still along way to go before I resemble Jennifer Aniston but I am determined! The last one will be by far the hardest to achieve and has already been challenging in recent weeks. When you put yourself out there for others to get to know you there is always the chance that something, whether a spoken word or an event, will provide them with an opinion of you that is untrue, however, the true test of whether they are worth it will be if they persist in getting to know the many other layers of you despite this false belief of who you are at the beginning. As they say, people are like onions (not stinky and hurt the eyes), but we have many layers to us, and until you take the time to remove the layers you will never get to the core.
I have a few suspicions as to the reason behind my recent uncertainty and with a little inward reflection and spilling it all out on paper I feel better already.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
11 February 2013
OH MY GOD, it's been four months since I last blogged! No I'm not dead nor have I been swept up by Ryan Reynolds and taken on a romantic plane ride to Paris or some other equally romantic destination, followed by a proposal with a 600 carat diamond ring from Tiffany, of which he sourced the diamond himself whilst on a trek through South Africa, AND had to pry from the paws of a tiger....oh god I got distracted, AGAIN. I've just been busy (code for lazy).
To be honest, it doesn't seem like a whole lot has happened in the last four months, well nothing different to the previous four months or the whole of last year. One thing that has become apparent this year is the need for more of a life outside of work. This came to me when I realised my response to the question everyone asks when they haven't seen you for a while is "oh you know, not much, just working heaps'. HOW BORING!!!! I'm even too lazy and uninspired to make something interesting up.
So in a bid to make a life more interesting outside of my job, I have joined a gym. Yes I can hear a million people laughing and also a volcano erupting somewhere on a remote deserted island from the shock, but so far the whole exercise 'thing' makes a huge difference. Unfortunately the experts seem to be right (who would have thunk it!), I have more energy, not as cranky and actually enjoy it! I never thought I'd see the day when those words came out of my mouth, or from my fingertips in this case. I am still hoping I will morph into the body of Jennifer Aniston or Lara Bingle without much change in my love of food, pretty much think I'm kidding myself with that one.
Next stop on the 'make life more diverse' journey, is to get out more on my time off, not sitting around in my little flat watching movies and being all hermit like. The only problem with this is doing 'stuff' requires money, meh. Money doesn't grow on trees apparently, and this sucks giant donkey balls. Now if I was living in Melbourne, or as I like to call it, Mecca, this wouldn't be a problem. As long as you have tram fare you're set to go exploring and with very little outlay! Must move to Melbourne.
Third focus for this year, start saving for next year's 30th birthday EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!! Next year's trip will be known as 'Chrissie & Ange do New York & try not to get killed'. How super fantastic does that sound!!!! Now I expect this to cost a bucket load so best start saving or maybe I'll have to turn to hooking (something I threaten my mother with ALL the time, she's not impressed to say the least), although customers would pay me more to put my clothes back on than take them off so maybe another money making scheme will have to be thought of. I can't freakin wait for next year's trip. I'm going to go all Carrie Bradshaw and fall in love with NY. I'll keep you posted on the progress.
Now for the Ryan Reynolds naked part of the title.....well I can't deliver this one, sorry. Just threw it in there for some fun and a whole lot of happy visuals to start off the day. You can thank me later by sending flowers, and you're welcome.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Melbourne: Day One
21 October 2012
As I type this I am mid way through my flight to Melbourne for a week of culture, great coffee, food and more excitingly, a whole week off work! Looking out over the wing of the plane I am feeling mixed emotions of both excitement, tiredness (the 1.20am wake up call can be attributed to this) and am quietly shitting myself that, should an emergency occur I am manning the emergency exit door (FARK!!).
Walking through the airport exit doors I am greeted by a typically chilly Melbourne day which is exactly what I was hoping for. Melbourne is the place for jackets and scarves. The bus ride into the city is familiar and welcomed. After breakfast and a wander through the streets with some family members, yet another fabulous coffee and an out of the blue bucketing of rain (so Melbourne!) it's time to head back to my Hostel (can't believe I'm staying at a backpackers) to have a Nanna nap and get ready to see La Soirée tonight at the Forum Melbourne.
I am hoping that this week is relaxing, invigorating and that my favourite city restores my weary soul. I am in great need of new scenery and to immerse myself in the vibe Melbourne provides. It is the best place to wander, clear the head and restore yourself after being bogged down by the routine of daily life. Melbourne is my mecca. My haven. My sanctuary.
I am excited to catch up with friends I have not seen for way too long, meander through previously undiscovered lane ways, eat way too much and research for my own cafe I hope to have one day.
Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Family & Motherhood
13 July 2012
Family is deeply important to me. I am close to my immediate family, if not closer since living out of home, and that bond is something which I cherish. I feel extremely lucky for the connection I have with my parents and my brother. They have seen me at my worst, listened to my problems, offered guidance and support and more amazingly, are the three people that love me unconditionally. I can't imagine my life without these three people in it.
As I grow and become closer to the age where I think about my future, and whether there is a family unit of my own complete with husband and children in it, I find myself increasingly warmed by the love I see my friends have for their children. I love my friends' children and I can not comprehend the emotion they must feel for their kids. The overwhelming need they must feel to protect and show love to these little people who are so innocent to the world and all it encompasses.
After each visit to my friends places to spend time with them and their little ones, I can't help but say to myself how much I can't wait to be a mother. I know it's not all roses and happy times. It will be challenging beyond what I can imagine, done on little sleep and I will have to learn patience, however, I can not wait to be called Mum. For me, I feel it will be the most rewarding experience than any job I have now, and at the moment I'm just filling in time until I meet the right person to make a family with.
I have the utmost respect for all mothers out there, your selflessness and strength is enviable. I have the best role model and mother, I only hope that one day I can be half the mother mine has been. She is my best friend and will be the best Nanna. Love you Mum.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
21 June 2012
So I'm watching Julie & Julia, I've always wanted to watch this movie both for the story line & the fact that I love Amy Adams as an actress, but it's got me thinking & reflecting on my life (never a good thing might I add). How do we find that one thing we are truly passionate about? Both Julie & Julia loved cooking. Their love & deep desire for food & cooking enriched & transformed their lives into something greater.
There are many things I enjoy at the moment; coffee, cafe & wine culture, writing, interior decorating (if only I had a house). Out of all those things I enjoy, the coffee, cafe & wine culture is the one I so wish I had the courage to turn into something more than a whimsical notion & hope for the future. I admire anyone who has the self-belief & fearlessness to take a leap of faith toward making their dreams a reality.
I think your true passions become evident when you spend time on your own. There is something to be said for prolonged periods of singledom. Whilst more often I find myself getting lonely & envious of the closeness couples share, I am grateful for being able to grow on my own & to accept the person I am. It is much easier when you're young to be the person you think others will accept, but growing into the real you & not caring what others think of you is truly a gift.
Understanding yourself & knowing what makes you happy leads you to the passions which guide & fulfill your life. I know that may sound a bit cheesy & after-school special like, but that's what I believe.
Anyway, back to the Julie & Julia thing. Allowing yourself to embrace something that makes you unbelievably happy takes courage. I hope that one day I find the courage within myself to turn my coffee & wine passion into a successful business. The biggest obstacle I face is myself. Finding that extra bit of confidence to take the leap of faith in my abilities is what I am going to work on.
At least there is one thing I am sure about. When I find that person that makes me happy, I know I am content within myself just the way I am & that the person won't complete me, but rather compliment me.
Good luck on your journey to find your passion, let me know how it goes.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
The Optimism Before The Fall
12 April 2012
Dating is hard these days, just ask any single person, well obviously they're single or else they wouldn't be dating would they? Der. Every now and then you meet someone that sparks an interest but most of the time, if you have standards, a potential new love is few and far between.
I am hopeless at picking men. I am great at picking the wrong one, but I suck at picking right ones. I have the characteristics of my ideal partner in my head (and framed in my room, a suggestion by another smart friend as it aided in her finding her fiance) but when it comes to the men I usually go for, they rarely possess these characteristics. Clearly old habits are hard to break.
Recently, very recently, a dear, smart, wise and devilishly sexy (did you like the flattery there) friend took it upon herself to play matchmaker. My friend and The Man both live in Darwin, I live in Toowoomba, so her matchmaking efforts are ambitious to say the least. However, after a week of daily texting (all very modern) with the victim lovely man, I am pleasantly surprised at the accuracy of my friends fix up. The Man and I share similar interests, even down to obsessive cleanliness and interior design (he's not gay, just stating before anyone makes that comment), we are both family orientated, of European heritage and look forward to traveling with a partner in the future. More importantly, he is polite, remembers things I have said and is inquisitive about me and my life. I am usually attracted to men who have a little bit of arrogance about them, but as time goes by this arrogance usually ends up just being selfish wanker tendencies. The men usually end up being more like overgrown boys, more concerned with beer and their mates rather than being a gentleman and actually growing up. Immaturity and selfishness to me is a turnoff, makes me want to shout 'grow up!'.
Whilst physical distance can be hard on a relationship once it gets going, I think there is something to be said for assisting one to grow during the early stages of getting to know each other. The distance ensures no one gets sidetracked by the possibility of nakedness and conversation to find out what makes the other person who the are becomes the primary focus. I have found out more about The Man in 5 short days than what I have in many short term relationships in the past. Nakedness puts a hold on a further exploration of the real person, suddenly time together is distracted by physical closeness rather than working on an emotional closeness.
Fingers crossed I haven't jinxed myself now and the getting to know each continues.
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
15 March 2012
From the moment little girls can dream, we are shown images of life as a grown up. Notably one aspect of life is at the forefront, picture the white wedding, the princess like dress, the flowers, the cake, the dream boat husband...the list goes on. From such an early age the seed of the ultimate fairytale marriage is planted.
As we grow from toddler to teenager to self assured twenty-something, we are on the look out for the man to play our partner in this fairytale life we have been told about in so many deluded story books. We hope he has all the characteristics of prince charming; tall, dark, handsome, strong, basically the hero to protect and save us from the evils the world will throw at us. He will battle dragons, thrash through forests, climb tall buildings in a single bound (oh wait that's Superman), to rescue us from the baddie.
However, as we age and experience more than one Mr Wrong, what is neglected from our education on marriage is how difficult at times it will be. I am by no means even an iota close to being married, may have to find the boyfriend first, but I have many friends who are. The gift they have given me is insight into the process of planning the wedding, the strain it can put on the relationship, and the hiccups which can be expected after the shine of the wedding day is gone.
What I have learned is the importance of discussing all aspects of married life and especially the life ahead of you both as a partnership. A life which will be built by both of you. Often trivial details take precedence such as what colour the bridesmaids will wear, or will the best men wear suits, and the important issues, such as how will we parent our children, household responsibilities and many more, take a back seat.
I think there needs to be a reform in the way we teach our little girls about marriage. We need to focus less on the fairytale trivial aspects, and teach our girls (and boys) the importance of being a great partner. We need to stress to our children the importance of focusing on the qualities needed in ourselves first, and then the partner we choose, to ensure a marriage is successful. After all, when the dress is back in its box, the photo album takes its rightful place on the coffee table, and friends and family move onto the next wedding, what you are left with is the day to day life with your partner. Suddenly, 50+ years seems more important than 8 hours of festivities in a pretty dress.
Recently I have learned of the difficulty a close friend is experiencing in her marriage. Her husband has changed since the wedding and she is puzzled. She is unhappy, often in tears and her husband is more preoccupied with his interests than devoting his attention to his wife. Obviously I am unaware of his side of the story, but surely seeing your wife, someone who you promised to love and to cherish from this day forward, is visibly crying and telling you they are unhappy you would want to find out what is wrong? Am I wrong in thinking that this would be a priority?
I can't comprehend how anyone, married or not, is able to dismiss the feelings of another person. I am genuinely worried about my friend. She has tried to talk to her husband but he seems to not want to hear her. I feel like paying said husband a visit and throttling him. Once the ring is on the finger doesn't mean one can take a back seat and take advantage of their partner. Neither partner should become a slave to the other, nor hold the other to ransom emotionally making them feel worthless or deserving of anything less than best in the world. My friend is one of the most caring, thoughtful and giving people I know. She always puts others before herself and she deserves the BEST life can offer. It makes me very upset to think that someone who is meant to love her unconditionally and promised to love her forever has such disregard for her happiness.
Love is meant to conquer all, but what happens when one person in the relationship refuses to listen to the other? Do you stay in a one sided relationship being the only one trying to fix a problem which your partner is ignoring, or do you call it quits? I have always believed that divorce is too easy an option these days, but if your marriage makes you desperately unhappy and you have tried everything to fix it, maybe it is the only option that makes sense.
When the time comes and I find my Mr Right, one thing is for sure, I will work on the marriage, not the wedding prior to the big day of declaration. I have learned that communication, understanding and compassion will be high on my list of priorities to make our marriage work long after the cake has been consumed and the honeymoon is over.
Caio ciao,
Ange x
Internet Dating
8 February 2012
Friends, I have something embarrassing to admit. I joined eHarmony a couple of days ago. My Mum keeps seeing the advertisements on TV and each time suggests I give it a go. She's at the age where she wants grandchildren so I see where she's coming from since I'm taking my sweet arse time finding The One.
I've always given into the stigma surrounding internet dating, I thought it was weird and would be embarrassed to explain to people how I met someone should it ever happen. I have friends that have tried the internet dating thing, it's worked for some, not for others. I understand that for some people who have a busy work life, or single parents who are unable to go out due to their family circumstance, it would be a relatively easy and welcomed avenue to meet a partner.
For me, boy was it an eye opener and I haven't even physically met anyone yet! I figured potential matches would be just like me. Normal. Not all of them screamed crazy, but most of them came across a bit iffy from their profile. Desperate is not the correct descriptive, but it was clear they had come out of a long relationship and basically were looking for a replacement girlfriend asap.
Also, is it shallow to disregard matches due to the fact that you simply couldn't be physically attracted to them? Attraction to me, is a large part of a successful long term relationship, and unfortunately none of these matches from either appearance or what they wrote sparked an iota of interest.
Basically, I've given it four days and I'm canceling my subscription. I'd prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way, drunk at a pub. I'm hilarious when I've a bit of dutch courage in me. Now I just need to get off the couch and actually go out once in a while. Meh, maybe I'll stalk someone I fancy, that's also worked for a couple of friends!
A wise new friend suggested I write down all the traits and characteristics I would like The One to possess and keep it handy, it worked for her and she's now engaged. Today's task, start that list, may need to go get ink for the printer, it could be a long one!
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Here's To You 2012!
2 January 2012
Ahhhhh, the start of a brand new year. New year's day brings promise of new beginnings, optimism and hope for a productive and successful 12 months ahead. My favourite part of a new year is the mass declaration of resolutions and goals for the year ahead, many of which after a month we've given up on cause we have put them in one of two boxes, either the 'too hard' or the 'I can't be arsed' one.
This year I haven't made the rookie mistake of concreting my resolutions via Facebook declaration or even putting them on paper and framing them. This year they have stayed in my head, until now, where they will end up here for scrutiny or it's fanciful brother, ridicule.
This year I am going to recycle two of last year's resolutions, and throw in a third brand spanking new one. So kids, brace yourselves and get back from the edge of your seat cause honestly, they really aren't that exciting.
Angelina's hopes & dreams for 2012......
* Finish uni - this was meant to happen in 2011 but honestly, I gave up and couldn't give a crap. However, I must finish it by 2012 or else they'll kick me out so yes, I will achieve this goal.
* Get fit - notice I said 'get fit', not lose weight. If I lose weight that will be a bonus, but given I love food, actually not just love it's more like adore, honour, and obey it's every calling, this losing weight business is a useless plight. Therefore, getting fit is my main goal.
And lucky last,
* Push myself outside my comfort zone - this means saying yes to things I would normally say no to in an instant. This year I want to try new things and experiences and stop playing it safe.
There you go, my hopes, dreams and resolutions for 2012. If you want to be friends with scrutiny and it's brother ridicule, please leave me out of it. I don't want to know your opinion because I don't really feel like being accountable to you for following through on the above.
They say what you do on New Year's day is what you will be doing for the rest of the year, given that most people are hungover on New Year's day that's an accurate prediction for the year to come.
Here's what I did on New Year's day, which if it continued for the next 354 days you'd hear no complaints from me.
I wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2012. What are your resolutions for the coming year?
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
Booty Calls: The Demise of The Relationship
30 August 2011
The "booty call" (if I was saying this, yes I would make " " bunny ears with both my fingers) and casual sex. I blame them for the death of dating. Over the years, like many of you, I have been in one or two of these (and I use the term loosely) relationships. Whilst at the time they may seem fun, a little bit naughty and if you keep it underwraps, the sneaking around is indeed a thrill, ultimately as the woman when the rendezvous is over you end up feeling used and no better than an unpaid hooker.
If what you are really seeking out of the affair is something other than a bit of fun here and there, there is no point trying to trick yourself into thinking you can handle it. The allure and charisma these men tend to possess in spades, is often extremely hard to resist. However, if you can't accept that the extent of the relationship will only be an hour or two under the guise of darkness and usually after a night at the pub, then back away carefully with your dignity, and clothes, intact.
There will be no handholding, cuddling, meaningful 'how are you' text messages between rendezvous' in this relationship. Kiss goodbye presents on your birthday, someone to listen to your daily dramas and a couch partner to watch movies with when you're bored. What you can get used to is a drunken call when he is (I hate this word) randy, or worse when there was no-one better at the bar to pick up (hello to being second choice on the card for you!).
Basically, I'm saying a big NO to these types of modern relationships no matter how devilishly sexy, charismatic or alluring the man. They screw with your head, make you feel awful about yourself and apart from the physical enjoyment, they provide nothing else of substance. Even if Ryan Reynolds, Gerard Butler or Josh Duhamel offered themselves on a silver platter for one night only, I'd have to say no.
I'm not proud of my behaviour in the past when being under the influence of a hottie but I made a pact to myself after the last casual tryst that it wouldn't be happening anymore. I want to put my energy into a relationship of substance, not one that will be over in an hour until my 'services' are next required.
What's your opinion on the downward spiral of modern day dating and the abundant use of the 'booty call' button?
Ciao ciao,
Ange x
A Letter To My Younger Self
24 August 2011
Being a lover of blogs (religiously following 56 at the moment, maybe 57 by the end of the day), I've noticed a couple of bloggers writing letters to their younger selves. I've thought this was a great idea for a while, so basically I'm jumping on the bandwagon, no original thought or creativity in coming up with the topic whatsoever.
I guess it's a lighthearted way of reflecting on your life so far, the lessons learned which are only possible from experience. So here goes! And yes I know grammatically I shouldn't start a sentence with 'so', but it's my blog and I'm going against proper English and doing it, so all you spelling and grammar checkers out there can have your pink fit and get over it.
Dear pre-27 year old Angela:
There are a few things you should know as you navigate your way through your teens and early twenties. These things will help you understand people and yourself a bit better, saving you from some angst and hours of puzzling thought. You should know that some people are, excuse the French, arseholes. No matter what you do for them they will never be appreciative or decent enough to return the favour. No matter what you do to try and make these people like you, they never will and you should write them off now, they're not worth the headspace or your time.
You have a fantastic Mum and Dad, possibly the best in the world. Treasure them and respect them and their house. When you turn 21 and become an ungrateful and rude bitch girl, remember all they have done and given up for you so that you can have the best of everything. Don't treat them like unpaid servants or an ATM. Don't make them feel like you don't appreciate them. Help Mum clean the house and cook meals for the family.
Show Mum that you love her, do things around the house to help ease her workload and stress levels. You won't know it at the time but she is going through a difficult patch and is feeling left out. Helping her out and not disrespecting her will make all the difference. Just know that being the way you will be at this age (rude, ungrateful, nasty, disrespectful) will nearly destroy your relationship with your Mum and will take at least 6 months or more to repair. You won't know it at the time, but in the next 6+ years, your Mum will be your rock. She will know what's best for you before you do and is one of only a very small group of people who will love you unconditionally. She will support you giving up uni for a bit to work and figure out what you want to do career wise and even though you think otherwise, she is proud of you and your achievements.
You know that Dad is basically a male version of you. He likes to act the fool just to make people laugh. He has the same sick sense of humour. He's quite an emotional person and like you, has to talk things through in order to come to a decision. Remember these traits and let him be him. Try not to get short tempered or shitty with him when he's being a knob, just let him be and occasionally laugh at his jokes, no matter how bad they are, it makes him feel good.
Limit the amount of chick flicks you watch. Ultimately, they will delude your perception of relationships with men and only get your hopes up. In reality, you know, that place you don't like to live in, nothing you see on these movies and tv shows actually happens. Understand this now. In real life, men don't think like the script writers make them out to. Unfortunately, you'll get to 27 and still not have experienced romance but always hold on to the hope, never become cynical. You'll always be a true romantic, that's why you watch the crappy immensely entertaining movies and have a fascination with Sex & The City. You will one day find your Mr Big (hopefully in more ways than one...naughty, get your mind out of the gutter pre-27 year old Angela).
When you move to the Gold Coast to study after Year 12, don't become distracted by the nightlife and earning money. Whilst working is enjoyable and you will meet people who have gotten to high levels of the hotel industry by not obtaining a degree, don't lose sight of your original end goal to be a General Manager of a boutique hotel. If you continue to tell yourself you don't need to study to get there, you will move back home, flunk a shit load of uni, have thousands of failed units to pay back on HECS and take 9 YEARS to finish a degree in a field you don't want to work in. Giving up study at Griffith, in a course you LOVE, moving back to Toowoomba to study HR, a degree you will only do because Hotel Management isn't offered, will be the biggest mistake of your life thus far. When you leave Griffith, you will become lost, unfocused and the hotel industry in Toowoomba will not give you the opportunity to indulge your dream job.
You will constantly have to work on staying motivated to achieve the things you want. You will struggle with this most of your 20's and be one of those people who has motivational sayings in your room and around you so don't laugh at the people who do that as later on, you will be one of them.
You know you love working, but continue to strive for your goals outside of work, don't become complacent. To be great requires taking risks. Don't be too scared to take risks, you will always have a safe place to land if it all goes pear-shaped. Your Mum and Dad will always be there to come home to if it doesn't go according to plan. You will try working in other industries, but hospitality will remain your passion. When people say 'is that all you want to do', don't let it bother you. Those in the industry know it is a worthwhile career and you will prove to yourself that you have the passion to truly love what you do.
You will meet 'friends' throughout the years who won't be friends at all. They will use you and make you feel bad about yourself. Learn how to spot these kinds of people early on and put them in the 'people I don't need to know' basket. You will be lucky enough to have a handful of close friends who, should you need them will be there in a heartbeat. These are the friendships you should put your time and energy into cultivating. These friendships become evident in your mid 20's. They are the people who, no matter how long it is between catch-ups your relationship stays the same, it's not awkward or forced conversation, it's like no time has passed between chats. They are the people who listen to your heartbreaks, career crises, family dramas and provide encouragement, a shoulder to cry on and supply the wine when you need to vent. Truly enjoy the moments spent with housemates, cooking, eating and drinking wine in the kitchen. These are some of the fondest memories you will have of house-sharing. You will reflect on these memories all the time, they will warm your heart and lift your spirits. You will love these friends with all your heart and see yourself being friends with them until your boobs are down to your ankles. Along with your family, treasure these people.
Discover the joys of Melbourne earlier than 23. You will love this city and the culture it boasts. It will stoke your passion for hospitality, give you a dream of a life to work toward, and basically renew your spirit. Try and visit this city as much as your funds will allow and save your pennies to be able to live there when the need takes hold.
Don't EVER sign up for a credit card. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! You will get yourself in to debt and take years, yes years, to pay it back. You have no self-control, especially when it comes to money and a credit card is a TERRIBLE idea, no matter how good it will seem at the time.
Younger Angela, you will go through a lot of soul searching and make a giant fool of yourself in the coming years. You will not be alone as others will also be doing the same as they figure themselves out. Enjoy these years however, as you can get away with it because you are young. You will still not have it all figured out by your late twenties but you will begin to understand that becoming who you will be is an ongoing process.
Lastly, I want you to know two things: that you’re responsible for your own happiness, and that the things you think are earth shatteringly important usually aren’t. The best and most important moments are those that happen on the sidelines, on the fuzzy edges of everything else.
Much love,
The 27 year old version of yourself xx
The Future.
27 July 2011
The FUTURE.
A word, which holds so many possibilities and conjures numerous questions asking to be answered. As I come closer to finishing my Business degree at the end of this year (it's been 9 years in the making with more time postponing the degree rather than studying it) I have a consistent niggle at the back of my mind concerning my post degree future. I feel years behind in life milestones compared to friends, I feel I have to make a life altering decision and choose a final career, grow up and generally make decisions that show I'm now an adult, not a twenty-something drifter.
I've considered packing up and moving south to a city I adore, but after thinking it through with unglazed eyes and the 'future' in mind, I now think it may not be the best decision after all. I know I want four things to happen in the next five-seven years:
* Start paying my parents back for the money they have leant me over the years
* Save to get a mortgage on a place of my own
* Create a business plan to start a hospitality consulting business, and/or a cafe or bar
* Get married and have a family
The last one I have little control over and judging from past boyfriends, I have little hope it will happen before I'm 30, if at all. Points two and three are my main priority but seem out of reach. Saving is achievable, but takes forever to mount up to seem worth the while. Point three, my ultimate goal but the hardest to start. How do you make the first step to starting a business? Are there business people out there in the field that have spare minutes in their day to mentor someone like me?
I would love to pack up and start in a new city, but to move and have to continue to wait tables, pay loads more in rent and live pay check to pay check - I just can't do it. I would find it depressing not be able to live the lifestyle I'd move for. Is it wise to think rationally about decisions or should one just go with the flow? How much control do we have over our future? Is it fate or our choice which direction we go?
My friends are all in various stages in their life. Some are diving head first into their chosen careers, some are married or in serious relationships, some are pregnant, and some are experiencing motherhood for the first time. Why is it those of us not at the same stage in life as our friends feel uneasy about the path our life seems to be going? I feel I'm still at the stage where I'm figuring it all out. I can see what the next few months are going to be like, but after November, when uni is over, I'm drawing a blank.
The future, friend or foe?
Ciao ciao,
Ange x